#OrgasmQuest is about getting my masturbatory orgasms back, getting my life hack back. I refuse to accept that is gone, that I have to sacrifice a massive part of my identity to enjoy the benefits of my anti-depressant. If you’re anorgasmic (like me!) and okay with that, ROCK ON! Huzzah! I’m thrilled for you. If you’re anorgasmic and unhappy about it, I empathize strongly, here is what I am doing and what is and isn’t working for me. Bodies are different, medications are different, there are so many variables at play that my story and what works for me quite possibly will only work for me. Maybe it gives someone ideas on things to try though! Maybe it inspires people to talk about what they are experiencing. You are not inferior. You are not broken. Anorgasmic sex can still be every bit as awesome as orgasmic sex.
Give yourself time to figure out what a happy sex life is for you. Communicate that with your partner(s) if applicable. Work on healthy communication with yourself and your partner(s). Allow yourself time to get to where you want to be. When I say things that I don’t participate in goal oriented sex, I mean the kind of sex where if orgasms aren’t had the encounter is considered a failure. Do set goals for your sex life, but give yourself a lot of time and space to get to where you want to be. If possible, quality sex toys and utilizing the skills of professional sex educators, coaches can make all the difference. Mostly, you take care of you. Whatever that may look like.
Yes, one day I am sure that they are going to have an ick factor when it comes to my work. You know what? I had an ick factor with my parents over their music, how they dressed, all sorts of things. If it isn’t one thing that embarrasses them, it will be something else. That’s the nature of raising kids. We’ll have open dialogue with them and they will learn about my career from me. It’s not going to be some secret or surprise.
Beyond that, most of what I want to say to those people and the rest of the world is this: I did not give up being a person in my own right the moment I gave birth. I did not forfeit being a sexual person the moment I got pregnant. Motherhood, parenting. Those are currently the biggest parts of my life but they are not the only parts of my life. I am a whole and complete person who is raising children. My kids are growing up with a happy mother who loves herself. My kids are fine.
Beyond that, I have other offers on my plate but I need to figure out how to find the right work/life balance before I can commit to more jobs. Though if people have workshops or ventures that they think collaboration on would be beneficial, I’m always excited to help in any way I can.
-The Frisky Fairy