A "relationship map," a collection of colored stars, hearts and circles with letters insides, connected to one another by lines

Please remember to be polite and respectful in the comments. Welcome to the third portion of my four part discussion on Bad Poly. Today I’m going to talk about communication. Why it’s important, and why I am so deliciously, delightfully, disastrously bad at it. Check the new language below! Primary Partner: In many relationships a primary partner is the person(s) in the relationships accorded the most importance. Secondary Partner:  In many relationships, a secondary partner is the person(s) in the relationship who, have a relationship that is given less in time/energy/etc. than a primary relationship. Tertiary Partner: The person(s) in the relationship who have a relationship that requires littleRead More →

Trigger Warning: Graphic Descriptions of Self Harm I’d like to apologize in advance for harshing on your holiday groove because this is not a happy post. I debated for quite some time about even sharing this post, and I’ve looked at it a number of times and considered scrapping the whole fucking thing. My partners have encouraged me to post it, as they feel (and so do I) that the topic is not something that is discussed enough, and ought to be given more attention. I’m posting this over the holidays because for me, the holidays are often marked with anxiety, family arguments, stress, andRead More →

Please remember to be polite and respectful in the comments. Welcome to the second portion of my four part discussion on Bad Poly. Today, we’re going to talk about something which many people find to be one of the “stranger” parts of poly. The idea of compersion. As with before, let me lay down some terms for you! Compersion: Often considered the opposite of jealousy, compersion is the positive feelings that you experience when your partner is investing in a relationship with someone else. Metamour: Your partner’s partner. Envy: When you want what someone else has. Jealousy: When you’re worried someone is trying to take what you have.Read More →

This is to serve as both a conten warning and a warning about NSFW language and images.   Please remember to be polite and respectful in the comments. EDIT 9.7.17: I realize that in this context I forgot to note that I deeply and vehemently believe that race play is a problem, and the real world social ramifications it has are far-reaching. See this link for a pretty good sum up of my feelings on race play specifically. http://angryblackhoemo.com/2017/07/19/no-people-problem-race-play-not-kink-shaming/   There are some things about myself that make me profoundly uncomfortable. Things that I have taken a long time to come to terms with. You see, IRead More →

Please remember to be polite and respectful in the comments. Jon lost his job in August. My spouse, my love, my darling, lost his job in August. Of course, this sort of life change sent me into a panic, as it normally does. I’ve been digging up ways to get our finances on track, and hoping, begging, and praying to whatever deity might possibly listen that someone, somewhere hires my husband. My concerns range from the terrifying (what happens if we cannot afford our apartment) to the ridiculous (so much for our date nights). In the chaos, multiple people have remarked that I look asRead More →

Please remember to be polite and respectful in the comments. I saw it coming from a mile away. I tried to pretend it wasn’t happening, but I just couldn’t shake the nagging feeling that my relationship with Winston was ending. He moved south for school and I noticed that the texts stopped coming. Truly, this was also my fault. After all, the phone works both ways, and the messages weren’t coming from me either. I tried to pretend it wasn’t happening, that he was just too busy to be keeping in touch. After all, we had our weekly Skype dates, and we texted sometimes, when weRead More →

I will not tolerate abusive or harassing behavior on my site. My site, my rules. Don’t like it? GTFO. This is to serve as both a trigger warning and a warning about NSFW language and/or images. What happens when you mess up? Is an apology enough? Can you make a mistake and recover from it? As a feminist, a sex educator, and someone who basically lives their life on the internet and in a public forum, I am often overcome with anxiety about these questions. In fact, if there is anything about what I do that is most exhausting, it is the fact that I amRead More →

First things first, I’d like to congratulate Myra T. for winning The Frisky Fairy Giveaway! Thank you all for entering! I’m hoping to do another giveaway soon! This past weekend I made the trek up to New York City to see one of my very best friends and also visit a few excellent sex-positive locations! Take a look at all the awesome things and places to go! First things first I headed to the Museum of Sex, with my best friend to take a peek at their awesome Funland exhibit! Unfortunately, their boob bounce was deflated and having some reconstructive surgery, so I couldn’t hopRead More →

Please remember to be polite and respectful in the comments. Hello friends! This week I’m discussing a topic that is incredibly close to my heart. This companion to my post So You Think You May Be Poly… has been requested from me multiple times for the friends and family of poly people, to explain the basics of polyamory. This is not a comprehensive guide. In fact, consider this a Part I. First things first, what is Polyamory? If you are hearing about this for the first time, the concept of poly may be bringing up images of religious men with many wives, or crazy sex partiesRead More →

I will not tolerate abusive or harassing behavior on my site. My site, my rules. Don’t like it? GTFO. This is to serve as both a trigger warning and a warning about NSFW language and/or images. If you are having thoughts of suicide or self-harm, please, click here or contact the national suicide hotline at  1-800-273-8255. For help finding affordable mental health services, click here. I know that this doesn’t necessarily deal with sex, but I believe it is incredibly important to discuss. When we die, there is often a note about how we died that gets attached to our stories. Those pieces of our lives, of our deaths,Read More →