LET’S GET READY TO Buzz Politely In A Beautiful Package AKA The Tantus Rumble


Hey! Feb 3-5 I’ll be at Poly Living Philadelphia being awesome! Come see me (and a bunch of awesome folks) talking about polyamory and stuff!


I’m sorry, I’m done with the boxing puns, I promise.

And in this corner, weighing in at 6.6oz, hailing from Sparks, Nevada, to bring joy to those looking for a less intimidating wand vibration, the lightweight champion of the world:

THE TANTUS RUMBLE!!!


I love Tantus. I love the company, I love the creators, I love the toys, I love the packaging. I love everything about Tantus. So when I first laid eyes on the soft, silky, shimmery blue of the Tantus Rumble I just wanted to have it all over my body.

Look at how fucking gorgeous this toy is.

After having it all over my body, I still think it’s absolutely gorgeous…I also think there are some definite things that could be changed.

First off, let’s talk about the good things. The texture of the Rumble is so satiny and it feels amazing in your hands. The blue plastic is pretty and doesn’t feel cheap which I’m really fond of. When fully charged it’s about 4.5 hours of vibration, which is cool. ALSO it’s charged with a microUSB which is damn helpful since I have enough of those fuckers lying about.

 

The head of the toy can be popped off which means it’s super easy to clean. There are also some swanky as fuck head replacements at the Tantus website. Most of the shops that carry the toy, also carry its attachments, which is good. The upside is that the attachments aren’t too expensive, with the most expensive one (The Rumble Spoon Head) at around $29 (USD).

I adore that the handle has the power button on one side, and the settings buttons on the other side. The settings are a mix of good options. From the manual:

  1. Low 2. Medium 3. High 4. Staccato Pulse 5. Pulse 6. Gradual acceleration 7. Cycle through all functions.

The handle is freaking incredible. It has this swoop to it that just fits in your hand. It’s like… an ergonomic sex toy. Holding it allowed me to use one finger to adjust it to push closer to me. And good god in heaven it is LIGHT. It’s so light it’s almost feels like you forgot to put a part in it.

But there are some things that aren’t great.

The toy doesn’t “remember” your last setting, nor does it have separate buttons for speed and patterns. This is mostly an annoyance for me, because I fucking HATE patterns. Gimme that buzz or go away! Also, I feel like there was an opportunity that was missed with the patterns. The final pattern “Cycle through all functions” is, in my personal and unsolicited opinion, unimpressive. I feel like a stronger setting would have been a better option rather than a setting that doesn’t really do much but pulse in strange intervals.

Me, when I went through the settings on this toy…

Which brings me to my biggest complaint of all. The Tantus Rumble is marketed as “a vibrator for every body” which is admirable, but incorrect. The Rumble is definitely not for my body. My body which requires stronger vibrations and a more rigid head to get the pressure right. It is, however, for my arms and wrists that don’t love being cramped in a strange position while I use the wand vibrators. It feels great on my wrists, but as for my vulva…Eh.


As much as I want to love it, I have to admit that the Rumble, for me, is WAY better as an actual muscle massager for me. It isn’t strong enough of a sex toy for me. I was thinking of giving it to Wes because he gets pretty frequent neck pain, but I’m gonna be selfish and save it for myself for my migraines.

TL;DR- The Tantus Rumble is an awesome wand massager for people who have mobility issues with their hands, or who need a lower weight class of massager than the Hitachi.

Definitely go to the Tantus website… even if you don’t buy the Rumble, buy SOMETHING from these magical people <3