Good Clean Love Bio-Match Restore: An Ode To My Cum


This is a helllllla busy week for me. I am working my spiffy new day job, then on Wednesday I’m going to be in Baltimore for 4-Play! If you’re not coming, you’re missing out on so, so much. If you can’t be bothered to come see me in Baltimore (jerks), you can catch me at Catalyst Con, being a sexy, sexy cupcake.

And let us not forget…
THIS IS MY 100th POST!
Thank you all so much for being a part of my little blog
I love you all very much <3

amazing

Lube: the final frontier. These are the voyages of The Frisky Fairy. Her life mission: to explore strange new lubes, to seek out lubrication that doesn’t taste gross, to boldly fuck like no one has fucked before. (Yeah. I went there.)

Oh yeah, I went there.

I’m going to be perfectly honest, there are very few sex acts that I use lube for. Basically, I don’t practice what I preach. Partially because I get HELLA wet. Partially because I love being fucked and tasting my own cum on my partner, and typically lube tastes awful to me. I like the way I taste. I like the way my cum tastes. My partners don’t seem to mind either. Which means that I’m not particularly keen on lube changing that flavor.

One of my lubed up sex acts.

I’m always down for a good lube that I can use that tastes pretty good, but I’m usually skeptical (and with good reason, most lube tastes weird). So when I got a chance to try Good Clean Love’s new Bio-Match products, I was planning on being unimpressed. More than just the lube, they sent a product called Bio-Match Balance, which is basically a soap for your vag.

“Moisturizing Personal Wash is a gentle moisturizing cleanser made with soothing botanical extracts that is safe to use on intimate areas. Unlike harsh soaps and cleansers, Bio-Match™ Balance™ accurately matches healthy vaginal acidity and salinity to support the healthy balance of vaginal flora that protects from infection, discomfort, and unpleasant odors.”

I’m DEFINITELY skeptical of any sort of Personal Wash, because I feel like they’re super negative towards bodies.

feminist rants

“Unpleasant odors”? What even is that? Who is on the panel that decides what is unpleasant? I find floral scents unpleasant, does that mean I go around spritzing vanilla all over floral scented candles? No. We have tons of media that talks about how vagina’s smell bad, and make people who have them feel like they should constantly be on the look out for any sort of smell. Guess what, VAGINA’S HAVE A SCENT. Skin has a scent. People have scents. I hate the idea of a “personal wash” because it shames people about their vaginas having a scent, and so they wash their vag and are unable to recognize a bad scent. That’s a huge problem.

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The other issue for me regarding the personal wash is that it has glycerin. Glycerin can increase your risk of yeast infections (not for all vaginas though). It’s a sugar derivative y’all. I have been know to get yeast infections after using glycerin soaps (you know, back when I thought vaginas weren’t supposed to have a scent). I didn’t really want to try this product but I figured I would give it a try during my period, because I really, really like feeling clean then.

It did what it was supposed to do. I felt clean, I got rid of the coppery smell of blood without completely losing my actual scent. Also, I didn’t get a yeast infection, so that’s pretty cool, though your mileage may vary. I don’t think I would use it regularly, but on a scale of Lysol (oh yes, that was a thing) to au naturel, I would rate it way WAY higher than much higher than Summer’s Evil Eve

I normally love Good Clean Love, as they’ve never really steered me wrong. Their aloe based lubes are great, and feel quite similar to the body’s natural lubrication. I don’t love that they have scented (but unflavored) lubes (seriously though, if you make a lube that smells like a cookie, can you make it taste like a cookie? Otherwise I’m making my pussy smell like food and taste like aloe. Blech).

I also ADORE their massage oils. They smell wonderful and are remarkably relaxing. If only I could talk my partners into more massages. After the personal wash though, (can we find different descriptor words for vag wash please?) I wasn’t super keen to try the lube. But i did it. For science.

for science

The lube is in the standard green Good Clean Love packaging, but it’s smaller than the original lubes from Good Clean Love (2 oz as opposed to 4 oz). In the future, I hope they offer larger bottles of this stuff (#foreshadowing). The lube also comes with a super weird tip. What was this thing? What did it do? So I did what anyone would do in this situation. I put it on the tube and squeezed it until something happened.

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And oh, did something happen. From the tiny holes on the sides of the applicator tip leaked small droplets of lube. I was so excited about it. This applicator will be great for people who, for whatever reason, don’t like getting their hands dirty. It also allows you to get lube inside you easily without needing to use one of those weird Lube Shooters. It does look a bit strange though, and I did find that it was slightly scratchy for me (though it may have just been the angle), so you may want to consider the old fashioned method of lubing up your hands/toys/other body parts as a lube application apparatus.

The texture of the lube is great. It isn’t too thin or too thick. It feels very similar to my own cum, and is slick as hell. Not slippery like a silicone and not sticky or tacky like a water base. It also dried similarly to actual cum. After feeling the viscosity of the lube, I did the ONLY THING I COULD DO, which was to put my lube-soaked fingers directly in my mouth. I was prepared for the weird chemical taste of lube, waiting for it, even. But it wasn’t there. Instead was a vaguely salty flavor, that seemed to match the flavor of my skin. I wanted to make sure I wasn’t imagining things, so I chased my partner around the room asking him to pretty please lick my fingers and tell me what they taste like. He (less than politely I might add) declined, even after I told him it was for science. It’s fine. I CAN DO SCIENCE ON MY OWN, BABE.

get in losers

After licking the lube off of various parts of my body, I declared it to be exactly the sort of flavor I liked. So I asked my partner to “Please eat me out, once with the lube and once without and see if there’s any flavor difference.” Oh, NOW someone wants to help me. I see how it is.

Unfortunately, every time he got between my legs, I had forgotten (or forgotten about) the lube. I’m sorry, the man can eat some pussy, okay? I should tell you about the time in the pool on my birthday- ANYWAY…

eat pussy

That left it up to me. I lube up my newest toy (the Tantus Amsterdam– don’t worry, that review is coming [ha] soon) and got to work trying to kill two birds with one stone. I licked my cum off the toy both with and without the lube. I can say, within reason, that the lube tasted like my own cum. Slightly saltier, but a damn similar flavor. Frankly, if I could I would use this lube every day for all sexytime activities. I would even try it over my dearly beloved silicone for anal. While it will never replace uberlube in my heart (and certainly not in bedside aesthetic appeal) I am proud to display them next to each other and reach for either when I get down to business.

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Good Clean Love Bio-Match products get the Frisky Fairy seal of approval. Get Frisky and get some of your own Bio-Match Balance wash or Bio-Match Restore Lube here.

-Until Next Time!
The Frisky Fairy