Not Meat, Not Quite a Person: How Fetlife Failed Women Under 30

**UPDATE- 4/10 22:21 EST** I mentioned in this post that it was hacked, that was incorrect of me. The person who created the list simply exploited Fetlife’s code to release information. This information (while not directly outing people) could be used to out people. If you’re concerned, I strongly suggest removing all identifying photos.
**In addition, Fetlife has been terrible at protecting their communities (specifically those who are sexually assaulted). Please don’t take my silence as an indication that these weren’t issues before, I simply haven’t had the chance to write about them, whereas this was slightly more time sensitive.
***Finally, it appears that for whatever reason the lists have been taken down. While this is AWESOME, it does not address the many issues with Fetlife’s inability to care for their subscribers and members, nor does it address the lack of security on a site that clearly deals with some sensitive information. Do not tell me that you should not put something on the internet you don’t want to have seen. I disagree and I don’t give a shit about your opinion on that topic.

**UPDATE- 4/12** I mention in this post that Fetlife did not sue in the appropriate amount of time. After talking with people who have quite a bit more experience than I do with the legalities of the internet, I’ve learned that there is really nothing that they can legally do, as the person in question did not release what could be considered protected content (e.g., photos, videos, writings). My apologies for my sass surrounding the legal stuff, however I still feel they had a responsibility to alert their members.

**UPDATE- 4/30** MayMay has released a Fetlife Creep List, which does the same thing as the “meatlist”. I’m not comfortable with any of this information being released, but I felt it relevant to include.

I am furious. I am absolutely furious. This morning I learned that there is a list circulating on the internet. On this list are the profile names, links, and other information (age, location, sexual orientation, BDSM role, and more that I can’t see on my mobile devices currently) for the women on Fetlife under 30. There are currently two volumes, though the author mentions posting more, potentially up to 30.

If you’re concerned that your name is on these lists, here are the links. I’m opting for Donotlink.com because I cannot even. **EDIT** It appears that the links aren’t currently working for whatever reason. Hopefully they’ve been taken down, but just in case the Do Not Link posts aren’t working, I’ve listed the original links below. Sorry y’all.

V1: http://www.donotlink.com/eix6
http://trilema.com/2015/the-fetlife-meatlist-volume-i/

V2: http://www.donotlink.com/eix5
http://trilema.com/2015/the-fetlife-meatlist-volume-ii/

The benevolent (sarcasm) shitbox creator mentions in his writings that this was done because he wants to remind people that the site isn’t secure. While I understand that the idea of security on the internet is sort of an illusion, (and as I’ll get to below, I commend him calling out Fetlife’s shitty security) let’s note that he didn’t simply post every profile on Fetlife in a searchable, public forum, but rather only the ones for women under the age of 30 (I could write an entire post on why this is fucked, but I will simply leave it as is for now). Similarly, he calls it a “Meatlist”, which pretty much means to me that he’s justifying his behavior by saying “This website isn’t safe, for the many youngish babes I’ve made vulnerable herein. You’re welcome, m’ladies.”. He then tips his fedora and scampers off to boast about how Alpha he is while he negs a girl at a bar. Oh wait, am I mixing my assholes again? Oops.

image

Let’s also fucking talk about what the fuck Fetlife has been doing during this? This is NOT the first time this list has been posted, but evidently,  On Feb. 17th, 2015 Fetlife issued a DMCA takedown. The author took the information down, and republished the list on March 3rd, 2015 because Fetlife FAILED TO SUE IN TIME. 

image

I’m sorry, but what the fuck is Fetlife’s legal team doing currently? Where the fuck are they, and how did they drop the ball on this? How do they sleep at night, knowing that they are leaving people vulnerable. Knowing that the site behaves as though privacy violations, security, and other methods of “outing” kinksters are the worst things that can happen? They have built a false sense of security, and then, when they are tested on it, when they are given the chance to protect their members (namely, young female members who are often preyed upon in the BDSM community), they fail them by NOT FUCKING FOLLOWING THROUGH WITH LEGAL ACTION!

Beyond that, where the fuck is John Baku for this? Where is Fetlife alerting their members that their information has been hacked? Where the fuck is the memo sent out to the female members of Ithe community letting them know that their names, ages, sexual orientation, BDSM orientation, and LOCATIONS are now searchable on a website? This information was originally released in February, and the DMCA notice was issued quickly, which means they knew about it. So where the fuck was the notice? Where was the SUBSEQUENT notice that they dropped the ball?

After the very public apology I feel that is owed to the ENTIRE community, I also feel that there needs to be some coding changes. I spoke with two of the coolest computer nerds I know, Mr. Pent(www.mrpent.com), and my own darling husband about what needs to change in terms of how the site is run and coded. Here’s what they had to say:
The Frisky Fairy: “What security measures can be used to ensure that things like this don’t happen again?”

Mr. Pent: “Well, they basically need to rewrite the site. Ground up privacy controls like Facebook/G+. Obviously protecting their back end better too would be good. But, the big issue is it requires a fundamental change in how Fetlife works. AND, from their constant job postings, I suspect they are having trouble finding developer talent and having enough money to get as many people as they need to keep the site moving forward and secure. So the other big pain is they may need to start charging for more features.”

The Frisky Husband: “The ony real way around this issue is to change the entire system over to handshakes where you can’t look at any data unless the other paty agrees, or put everything behind a paywall so publishing a list is useless unless you pony up money to actually see the data. Without changing FL policy to all identity information being shown only to approved friends, any public data is available to the internet public, not just Fetlife users. Fetlife should probably tell you that too.”

I feel that JohnBaku and Fetlife owe their users an apology. They specifically owe their female members under 30 an apology. Our information is out there and being listed publicly. We aren’t even referred to as people in this list, we are referred to as meat. I’m not a piece of meat. They fucked up, and they have now made THOUSANDS of people vulnerable. If Fetlife is unable to truly give promises about security to their members, then they better get their customer care shit together to handle instances when a member is PUBLICLY OUTED.

In the meantime, members should change passwords, take down identifying photos, change ages and genders. **EDIT BELOW** Basically do everything you can to hide who you are on a site that is supposed to be a safe space to express yourself. Though the idea of privacy on the internet is a pipe dream, there is an expectation of privacy given on Fetlife, and an expectation of privacy within alternative communities. Fetlife has failed to protect its users, to protect the members of the communities it has set out to serve, and so now the burden falls onto the community at large. If you can be out, signal boost the shit out of this. If you know someone who falls into the demographic released, let them know to be cautious. Be loud about how you want this community, OUR COMMUNITY to be protected so we can change this. We are the users, this is a service, and we can inspire change.

**EDIT** If you are not currently on the list, changing your name and age will likely keep you off of subsequent lists. If you *ARE* on the list, it is advised to delete/deactivate your profile and create another one. Also, passwords have *not* been linked, but it’s good practice to change them!

In a recent Tweet, Fetlife said “Privacy is very important to us.” (https://twitter.com/fetlife/status/586551770878345216)

Evidently not.

Until Next Time.
-The Frisky Fairy

Rebecca
I am the Frisky Fairy, also known as Rebecca Hiles! I have been passionate about sex education for as long as I can remember. I have been working in the sex toy industry since 2009, and I hail from Pittsburgh originally. I am the Sexual Health and Wellness Education coordinator for Lotus Blooms in Alexandria, VA. I am certified as a sex educator through the Planned Parenthood of Massachusetts Sexuality Education Certification Series. I am a polyamorous cancer survivor, and I enjoy talking about my experiences. You can read some of my writing on xoJane.com. I started this blog because of my passion for sex and sex education. I work as a sex educator, teaching workshops on a variety of topics, but sometimes I really want to go in depth on a specific topic that I really enjoy. Thus, the Frisky Fairy blog was born! From reviews of my favorite toys, books, blogs, conferences, and more to discussions on my favorite sex and sex education topics, this will give you a look at what I base my workshops on! This is an education based blog after all and I hope that every time you leave, you feel like ’you've learned something new! I welcome feedback. If you enjoyed something, or disagree with something, please feel free to leave a comment! You can also email me at Contact@friskyfairy.com, or follow me on Twitter, Facebook, Google+, or my Tumblr! Please note that harassment, threats, intimidation, repeated annoying and unwanted contact or attention, and repeated personal attacks are not allowed. Please be polite!

57 Comments

  1. As one of the “indescribably dull in the bedroom”, I’m enraged on the behalf of every woman put in harm’s way. My grandma once told me to never tell any stories that weren’t my own. That advice has served me well.

  2. The donotlink links keep timing out, hopefully the website is being DDOSed to oblivion.

  3. So, okay, I 100% agree that this is absolutely and incredibly terrible. But I’m not sure what fetlife can do to remove the possibility in the future. There’s no hacking involved; it’s just one incredibly gross dude and a bot parsing all the standard returns one gets when one clicks on a given area.

    No hacking needed. 🙁

    1. I think the best option would be to implement (as my hubs put it) handshake permissions. Where you can only view what is shared. Similar to facebook (though that’s not perfect either).

    2. Actually, one Baku was explained what to do before the list was published, look at the original post.

      That he didn’t, and that he imagined he can just stonewall it is his problem (and, for having trusting him to shepherd your interests, your problem).

  4. Anyone listed on that website has a right to be upset. The toolbag behind it, deserves everything ever written about him.

    That said, “calling out Fetlife’s shitty security” is just scapegoating. Referring to Facebook as an example just proves that.

    Nothing at all stops me surfing random female profiles on Facebook, and compiling an offensive website of women under thirty. The only difference is Facebook actively enables such activities by its various search systems (although I can’t specify age in a search) and the fact I can construct Google searches to find attractive female Facebook profiles. Fetlife prevents prevents Google searches, and heavily limits its own searches, increasing privacy. That privacy enhancement is currently the number one most complained about and requested change in the suggestions forum.

    If a user creates a profile, and lists themselves as a 30 year old female, they have put that information out there. Nothing got “hacked” or “stolen”. Putting all that behind a paywall as suggested just makes the site unusable. And the neckbeard behind this website would very likely be one of the few to buy such an account, meaning he still has access to all such data.

    As for legal action, how successful has that been in the case of https://thepiratebay.se/ ? Studios have teams of lawyers, spending millions of dollars a year, and the website is still there. Legal action is harder than it sounds. Moreover, a list of user names is very unlikely to be considered DCMA protected content. There are certainly tonnes of websites like “profileengine” that just list Facebook profiles, and Facebook hasn’t been able to pull them down.

    1. Good points! There isn’t a perfect system yet, which is unfortunate. I wish there was a better way to handle this sort of thing. Unfortunately, I’m not an expert in coding, and therefore can only give the information that I’m given from the experts in my network 🙂

  5. Funny – within hours, the website you’re bitching about has been shut down. Seems FetLife DID do something. 🙂 Besides… why are they responsible for what *YOU* post on the website? You can mine any website for data – just ask Google.

    1. The website could have been shut down by a number of other people. Also, Fetlife is responsible for their members and giving them accurate information in advance. Giving the illusion of security when there is none is a problem. Also the website had the listing since February, then again March 3rd, and then the second volume was released today, so it wasn’t *hours*. Fetlife dropped (and continues to drop) the ball on member security and safety. It’s a bummer.

  6. A misogynist man using the internet to shame women for having sex with men who aren’t him? Must be a day ending in Y.

  7. I know this comment will never be posted publicly because you’ll delete it the moment you realize it does not fit well into your little circle of self-affirming yes-men. But I’m going to say this anyway because I know you’ll read this and I hope it might make some sort of positive impression on you.

    I cannot sympathize with you at all. Yes, that guy is an ass. Yes, what he did was mean. Yes, everyone should be able to express themselves sexually without fearing for their safety. BUT…

    You are attacking the wrong person here and you’re hurting your cause by doing so. Any information about you on FetLife is there because YOU decided to put it there. You made that decision, knowing full well that it would be accessible to any person who wanted to go looking. I certainly don’t see anything wrong with you doing that (and honestly, more power to you!), but don’t be fucking delusional about it. FetLife provides you a place to meet with likeminded people and express yourself in whatever way you choose, free of charge, and now you’re going to complain that the didn’t “sue someone fast enough”? Please. Get a grip.

    Like you, I dream of a world in which people are able to express their sexuality however they choose, free from harm. But let’s be honest, that is not the world we currently live in. You seem more aware of this fact than most people. I commend anyone with the bravery and gumption to defy our cultural and social norms, however I despise those that do so and then cry when it goes exactly how they predicted. Forgive the “male-centric” euphemism, but GROW A PAIR. You want to change the world? You want to fight for a cause? News-flash: sometimes you’re going to encounter pushback. Stop attacking the people who are on your side and stop playing the victim.

    If you’re unhappy that your name and information are publicly accessible, maybe you shouldn’t have POSTED THEM PUBLICLY. You can’t have it both ways. Make up your mind. And either way, don’t fucking blame FetLife for the fact that there are assholes in the world.

    1. Funnily enough, I’ve approved your comment, because I approve just about anything that isn’t violent or really nasty (also, evidently my spam filter isn’t the best…) Anyways! Here’s my thing:
      I don’t really care what information is on the internet about me. My logic is that if I share what I want, no one can hold power over me. I’m also not on the list, though I know quite a few people who are. Fetlife has created a space where they behave as though their member’s privacy and security is important to them. They had the chance to handle the take down and do something about it but they didn’t act in the appropriate amount of time. That’s a problem. I dislike the fact that there is risk involved with information on the internet, but I get it, I really do. I’m not playing the victim and I’m not attacking anyone, I’m pissed that Fetlife had the chance to do something about this and didn’t.

      Also, as an aside, even without attacking them, even without them not having sued within the appropriate amount of time, there was still absolutely 0 notifications to the people in the demographic that there was an issue, that their information was scraped. I’m not blaming Fetlife for the fact that there are assholes, because let’s be honest, if someone wanted to get at a private photo I have set to friends only on Facebook, they could. I’m blaming Fetlife for the way they handled this event, and also for the fact that the site is poorly coded and doesn’t offer much in the way of protections.

      1. As a lawyer who handles cases like this, I can honestly say its really hard to track down people like this and then find a forum to sue them. It takes more resources than they probably have to fund what would likely be a useless suit. The court would order him to take it down, big whoop. Assuming this asshat has any money, they might get something to cover an iota of their expert fees and maybe they could just give their attorneys whatever crap car the guy has. This would be a gigantic expensive suit against a penniless scoundrel- welcome to not worth it land.

        1. I Google’d his name and found out how to contact him and where he lives in maybe 2 minutes. You’re a shockingly bad lawyer if you didn’t do that much to check before posting:)

    2. I agree. Any information posted on this site was done so publicly only behind the facade of security such as a username and password. Anything posted that could be incriminating to your lifestyle, whether it be pictures or phone numbers, was done so by your own volition.

      This is an idiot, I agree. But so are those that do not realize that the world wide web is world wide. Either be proud of whom you are and enjoy, taking the good with the bad, or have a few layers of self preservation. Never post public information about yourself unless you want people to know it.

  8. Though the blog entries may have been taken down, Archive.org managed to scrape it in the time that it was up. So the list is still out there. It would be worth anybody concerned that they may be included running the links above through the Wayback Machine and making sure. And changing their handles if they use them elsewhere. I will see if I can do anything in the meantime to get Archive.org to take down the scrapes.

  9. What should Fetlife do?

    I have to rely on the information on your blog so i hope i got the case right. As far as i understoond: A socially challenged piece of **** did what other dating sites usually have a feature for: search and sort by gender, age and location. That’s exactly one of the points where Fetlife is different. Many users (https://fetlife.com/improvements/78) have voted to establish this feature on Fetlife too. I appreciate that FL stood strong against it and thus FL is less a meat-market than dating sites or apps.
    As opposed to Facebook Fetlife doesn’t pretend to have much pseudo-privacy features. I appreciate that too. Sites like Facebook with their complicated, easily exploitable, “privacy” options mock users. In fact, Facebook spies on users, even on those who do not even have a Facebook profile. For instance via facebook widgets. Some bloggers use them… 😉
    So saying that Fetlife needs to re-engineer its codebase is the exact opposite of what’s needed. What’s needed is transparency of what a site is doing with their data, under which jurisdiction data is stored and general education about security and privacy topics. Fetlife does a relative (compared to other sites) good job on that.

    When i look at your blog i can see that you are heavily spying on your users with no less than 9 social network widgets and analytics. Compare this to what Fetlife is doing. There is room for improvement of course. I really don’t get it why fetlife is to blame while a ton of other sites collect, analyse and sell sensitive information for as their core business. An make billions of $$$ from it.

    Now, what should Fetlife do? I really don’t know. Maybe replace Google Analytics with piwik. No offense intended but all i know is that your suggestions would make matters worse. If people begin to believe in privacy features more of them will upload more sensitive information. Privacy features are technically always just on the surface layer of the application architecture, no matter “how integrated” they are coded. Once sensitive information is stored in meaningful quantitiy it’s worth billions. And sexual related information is the most valuable, believe it or not. In the long run no company can resist what follows, especially when they get under financial pressure. So blaming FL and put pressure on them financially could backfire. I’ve worked for dotcoms that failed and you can’t imagine the pressure from banks, investors, lawyers, legal (bancruptcy) regulations, police and secret service to archive, distribute and sell sensitive data.

    Now, would a Fetlife alternative please stand up?

  10. Another good option is to stop financially supporting Fetlife until they do something about their security policy. Turn on AdBlock for Fetlife so that they no longer get advertising revenue from you using their site. Cancel your ‘I Support Fetlife’ subscription.

  11. For what it’s worth, I haven’t been able to find any evidence that a DMCA claim requires suing provided the information is removed in a timely manner (which, at the time, it was). Lawsuits are costly and very likely a money losing proposition in this matter…I doubt the dude has enough cash to recoup the cost of the suit. If he were posting anything that wasn’t publicly viewable on the site then he could be brought in on other charges, but yeah…his claim that they didn’t sue in time made the DMCA fraudulent is basically nonsense and a clear misunderstanding of the law.

    Basically in this instance, I don’t know what else Fetlife could have done beyond possibly notifying their members, and I can understand the business reasons why they might not want to, especially given it wouldn’t offer further protections for people who want to use the service as they are.

    I’m not saying Fetlife is flawless. Their treatment (or lack thereof) of known abusers and perpetrators of sexual assault is gross and there definitely seems to be some degree of profiteering off sleazy guys and the use of the site as a pseudo-porn site. There’s a ton of valid complaints to be made. I just don’t know how much more they could have realistically done in this particular instance.

  12. Also thanks to your notice my partner was able to remove the identifying features from her profile. A quick Google search showed she was listed in the first iteration so the heads up is much appreciated.

  13. Seems to me that Fetlife’s issues with security have been around for a while. I believe user MayMay brought this up in 2012. You could actually access user data on Fetlife without logging in. Not sure if that particular issue has been fixed, but from what I remember Fetlife reacted the same way: DMCA take down notices and zero fix to their security vulnerabilities. This seems like a replay of that debacle but with a sexist douchebag as the “hacker”.
    http://slantist.com/fetlifesearcher/

  14. My ex-girlfriend has a sexual addiction to FetLife. She chose it over a life with me, assaulted me, went to jail, was homeless, no job, no car, no money and is now whoring herself out to some man to have a place to live. FetLife is not an innocent playground for kinksters – it destroys lives.

  15. ….as one of the females 30 and under-
    Sounds like there a few issues, and I don’t that your delineating enough.
    1. Your loser author references who created the lists.
    -clearly doesn’t get that it’s a networking site and not a dating site, hence why it doesn’t include the search interface of bondage it alt.com
    -is clearly a loser by referring to people as meat and pulling a list for just those under 30
    2. Fetlife in this scenario
    -could have publicly announced when there was an issue in February
    -certainly could have told users when the lists when back up
    -could have sued to keep the lists down (although with out knowing why they didn’t that’s assuming they had the ability. From comments it sounds like that may or not be the case.)
    3. fetlife in other instances
    -has had previous issues regarding things like predators and sexual assault

    I would say that yes random loser poster is a loser. And yes fetlife could have and should have notified people the information was out. And moving forward if they’re able they should update the site to prevent this from happening in the future. And there are longer posts about that in the comments

    But, I do not think by their failure to notify users that fet life is some how endorsing the losers list, or his labeling of meat.
    Furthermore, the information is not private. It’s available to any person that creates a profile. And while it might be more difficult to find women based on location and she, screen name, age and location, status, and what not are available to all users. If you can be outed by that information then you should change your profile.
    This is not the same as don’t put it on the internet if you don’t want it there. It’s don’t post information with an expectation of privacy that’s available to any sock with a screen name.

  16. Awwww boohoo 🙁 A bunch of c*nts who do nothing but find different ways to scam people out of money are upset that they were exposed to the public. Guess what? You aren’t guaranteed privacy in your line of work. Is it something desired? Certainly. But you act as if it’s by any means guaranteed by anyone.

    You’re no different than drug dealers. And if you think you are, that’s your warped mind telling you that you’re a decent person because you struggle to face reality.

  17. Rebecca wrote:

    “Do not tell me that you should not put something on the internet you don’t want to have seen. I disagree and I don’t give a shit about your opinion on that topic.”

    Rebecca, I actually AGREE with you, but I have a couple questions:

    Question No. 1: Can you explain how to put something on the internet and not have it seen by others?

    Question No. 2: What is the purpose of putting something on the internet if it cannot be seen by others?

    A.

    1. I don’t think it’s necessarily about whether or not it’s seen, but more about your personal ability to control access to it.

      ie. If someone really wants to, they can hack my email account and get my password, they can get into my dropbox and get at my private files, but unless they REALLY put in some effort, I get to maintain control over who accesses my email, and my dropbox.

      This is what I meant with that comment 🙂

      1. So are you saying that FetLife should be set up like Dropbox so that no one can see my profile unless I send them a special link? That’s an interesting idea, but I don’t see how that would work in a social network.

        Right now my FetLife profile is visible to anyone who has a FetLife login. Are you saying that it should not be set up that way?

        Armand

        1. Also, quick note, I don’t delete replies, but they do sit in moderation until I can read through them. I have a shoddy spam filter and I don’t like abuse, so I approve all comments manually.

    2. So are you saying that FetLife should be set up like DropBox, so that my profile can only be seen if I send someone a link, or an invitation?

      I get the idea, but I don’t see how FetLife would work as a social network if it was set up that way.

      Are you saying that my profile on FetLife should NOT be visible to anyone who has a FetLife login?

      A.

      1. Yes. I’m saying that if you have a profile on fetlife, you should be able to control who sees it on Fetlife. You can control who sees your Facebook profile in very specific way, and that can include locking everything down to “friends only”.

        1. For what it’s worth, there is a ‘friends only’ setting for pictures and writing. I don’t know about video because I’m not a supporter. But to my knowledge the only thing you can’t lock down that way is your profile landing page content.

  18. Is this the guy that owns the trilema dot com website, and the guy who posted the “meat list”?

    [NOTE: I, The Frisky Fairy, removed a twitter link, as I do not condone doxxing.]

    He’s the only person on Twitter who is regularly posting links to that blog site. So the accounts must be connected somehow. Based on that account’s Tweets, there’s a lot of hostility towards women, feminists, “SJW’s”, and women related things.

    I really doubt this “meatlist” effort is as much “security research” as it is an attempt to lash out at women. Besides, research needs to seek to minimize harm, not maximize it. It already fails on that very basic first count.

    I’m not a fetlife user- I actually came across this post because of the security aspect. I think the more interesting story is a bigot attempting to masquerade behind a legitimate security concern in order to lash out at women.

    1. actually can you not approve my previous comment for moderation. i just realized such a post could direct an entire hate mob at a twitter account and that’s not responsible for me to do. This guy could just be a fan of the guy who posted the list. I don’t have any solid proof, and even if there was, it would be a matter for the victims and the police only.

        1. Um. Do y’all not realize that this person you’re concerned about “doxxing” has been posting in this thread all along? His name is Mircea Popescu and he’s left like ten comments here, all linking to his website, including one that says, “Don’t be silly. […] I am in no case hard to find, try like google and stuff.” I don’t think he’s concerned about being doxxed.

          (Also, I find Robin’s assertion that Maymay and Popsecu are the same person highly amusing — precisely because it’s true that Maymay’s “style and rationales are very distinctive” and Popescu’s publication doesn’t fit the bill. (In fact, what I’ve heard is that after Maymay published the “CreepList”, Popescu sent Maymay a friendly e-mail assuming they had similar interests/politics/whatever, and Maymay not-so-politely told him to fuck off.))

          In any case, re: your friend and husband’s very solid assessments about what FetLife needs to do to improve security, I’d encourage you to read this piece: https://bandanablog.wordpress.com/2015/04/30/fetlifes-best-customers/ It argues that FetLife knows what it needs to do, but won’t do it because doing so would go against its own business interests. Hence the continued lipservice and pointless DMCA takedown requests, rather than making any actual technological improvements to the site.

          1. Meh, I’m not perfect. 🙂 I try NOT to keep track of FetLife’s trolls…MayMay just made it a tad more difficult by bumping into me in a couple of other places, so I naturally figured this was yet one more.

    2. I’m probably the guy edited out of this post. I’m not the author of trilema, and I didn’t create the “meat list.” I’m just an avid reader of his articles.

      What’s more offensive? That you are under 30 and had your privacy “violated,” or that you are over 30 and nobody cares to violate you anymore. LOL.

      1. No, honey, women do not feel offended when people don’t want to violate them. The desire to violate someone is not a compliment. You are disgusting.

  19. They don’t have a case. If they sue they get hammered, and I end up owning the essentially worthless Bitlove LLC.

    Stop giving idiots/scammers your stuff. Bitching ex post fact doth not help anything.

  20. I can see both sides of the argument. I am on a site that would be embarrassing to some family and friends…so I post very little and do not have a pic on there. My belief is that there is ALWAYS a chance for someone to “hack” which is why I try to be careful and also feel that anyone no matter sex, creed, sexual orientation should be able to be free about who they are without judgment, sadly I don’t think that will ever happen ….BUT it is called the “Worldwide Web” so there really is NO chance of any site being 100% secure. But feel that if fetlife knew there was an issue with this List that was gathered either by an employee or result of a hack, there SHOULD have at least been a letter of acknowledgement and/or apologies. Hell…those things are done by banks, credit card companies and I got a similar letter from the place I get my car repaired (and that’s just a mom & pop place).

    Also anyone that feels the need to bash my daughter “Frisky Fairy” because she speaks her mind and wants to protect those that color outside the lines from the way “Normal” society feels they should enjoy their sexuality and would want to color me a bad person/mother because I support her and anyone that might be a little different than me unconditionally….you can take a long walk off a short pier and color me PROUD.

  21. No one made any of you set up a fetlife account. If you don’t like things, simply delete your profile. Problem solved.

  22. Thanks for reminding me that I had an old account on that site! Deletion requested.

  23. I’m pretty sure it’s MayMay that’s behind all of these lists and sites. His style and rationales are very distinctive.

    FL claims to have done some work to prevent bots from scraping their site, which is a small step in the right direction, but they really do need to work on something like what FB has and let users decide what information gets released to whom.

    As for FetLife’s “legal team”, I expect they don’t really have one beyond a lawyer they hire and/or consult with as needed. As your computer friend said, based on their job postings, they likely don’t have the money to have a legal team or to sue.

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