More Than Two aka, I’m a Fucking Fangirl


The Frisky Fairy Reviews favorite toys, books, blogs, and other fun sex education reviews!

So in case you aren’t poly, and don’t flip your shit over new poly books, recently, a book called More Than Two released, and my poly friends would not shut up about it. I am always excited about new poly books, because frankly, we could really use more (any) representation in media. I knew, after listening to them that I would have to do whatever I could to reviewing this damn book.

This. Damn. Perfect. Book.

So I contacted Franklin (who I have had a writer’s crush on for years because of his writing on polyamory) about reviewing it, and he sent me a copy. Eventually, I lucked out and got a paper copy from the lovely Liz of Sex-Positive Psych to read through. So of course, I put it in the pile to read, where it waited. Then read a chapter, then waited some more. I don’t know why it took me so long to read it, but finally, after much procrastination, I finished it. Frankly, it has made me a better person

First things first, Franklin and Eve are basically two of the most fantastic people I’ve met. So incredible that I’m pretty sure that when I met them, I fan gushed and they were polite enough to pretend that I wasn’t embarrassing myself. The fact that they both took on such a huge amount of work is ridiculous. And this book was a huge amount of work. There was so much information and personality, I can’t even imagine the planning they had to put into it. The finished product though, is amazing.

My favorite part was the topic of communication. In fact, Franklin and Eve’s discussion on communication has literally changed the way I think about things. Check this passage:

Passive communication refers to communicating through subtext, avoiding direct statements, and looking for hidden meanings. Passive communicators may use techniques such as asking questions or making vague, indirect statements in place of stating needs, preferences or boundaries. Directly asking for what you want creates vulnerability, and passive communication often comes from a desire to avoid this vulnerability. Passive communication also offers plausible deniability; if we state a desire for something indirectly, and we don’t get it, it’s easy to claim we didn’t really want it. Stating our needs means standing up for them and taking the risk that others may not agree to meet them. -More Than Two

Through reading this part of the book, it absolutely changed the way hubs and I have conversations. I am a very passive communicator in my personal life. I have a hard time advocating for my own needs, and telling people what I need and want. Often, I prefer to defer to my partners needs because I prioritize their needs far above mine. My hubs on the other hand is an aggressive communicator and does the exact opposite what I do, communicating his own needs at the detriment of someone else’s. Reading through this made us both realize that we need to try a bit more for direct communication and meet each other in the middle when it comes to both advocating and also respecting each other’s needs.

One of my favorite things about this book were the questions. There are questions at the end of every chapter of what to ask yourself. These questions are incredible, and also a little hard! If you’re a newbie to poly, or considering poly, these will really help you to design what you’re looking for in your relationships in your head.

One of the other things I loved was how More Than Two addressed sex in poly relationships. They were very specific about noting that many people in poly relationships hold traditional ideas about sex. Being that I’m a super sexual person, I appreciated so much the way that they did not shame people who are poly and all about the sex.

Overall, More Than Two is an incredible book and an incredible resource for poly folk. I’d love to leave you with one more quote from this book before I tell you to run out and pick up a copy of your own:

We have relationships because we, as human beings, are wired to love. And without love as the core of our relationships, and as the principle we come back to in everything we do in those relationships, the other principles – as indispensable as they are – aren’t going to get us anywhere. Love is the great clarifier of values. Without it, whatever framework we create will remain hollow and, ultimately, lifeless.- More Than Two

Definitely check out Franklin’s site More Than Two. Make sure to check out Eve and Franklin’s work on Abuse in Poly, and check out #abuseinpoly on Twitter too for quite a lot of insight from poly folk on the topic.

I love this book and I think you will too! More Than Two gets the Frisky Fairy seal of approval. Get frisky and get yours here (Make sure to pick up the hard copy, in addition to the kindle version. I found it was much easier to follow along with)!

Until Next Time!
-The Frisky Fairy

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