The Frisky Fairy Rants: So You’re a Woman Online, Part 3: Nothing You Do Is Good Enough


I will not tolerate abusive or harassing behavior on my site. My site, my rules. Don’t like it? GTFO.

This is to serve as both a trigger warning and a warning about NSFW language and images.

For the first part of this three part series, click here.
For the second part of this three part series, click here.

Guess what ladies!? Nothing you do is ever going to be good enough.

You are damned if you do, and damned if you don’t.

If you put motherhood ahead of your career, you’re setting back feminism by 50 years. If you focus on your career over motherhood, you’re giving up on your femininity. If you don’t share naked photos with your partners, because they could get leaked online, you’re sacrificing part of your sexual expression. If you do share naked photos with your partner(s), and they get leaked online, you shouldn’t have been sharing naked photos. If you call out sexism, you get doxxed within an hour, if you don’t though, you’re perpetuating the problem with silence.

I’m fucking over it all.

I’m tired of feeling like I’m not good enough. I’m not feminist enough, or I’m a feminazi. I’m tired of feeling like I have so much to do to my body in order to simply have the right to exist. I’m tired of feeling like being super femme means I’m not a feminist. Like my sexual submission sets back equality. I am tired of feeling like my consensual sexual behaviors both make me a bad feminist, and not feminine enough. I’m equal parts acting “too much like a man” and setting the feminist movement back 50 years whenever I call my partner Daddy in the context of a consensual D/s relationship that we have negotiated. I’m tired of hearing stories of women who do not come out about their sexual assaults and are treated with contempt for not stopping the problem. I’m tired of hearing stories about women who do come out about their sexual assaults and are doubted and lambasted at every fucking turn.

I’m tired of apologizing for my sex life. For wanting, or not wanting sex. Apologizing for wearing makeup, or not wearing makeup. Apologizing for feeling up to talking, or not. Apologizing for having a period, and then also apologizing for my period causing some sort of disruption to my life with my partners. I’m tired of apologizing for asking for what I want, and apologizing for bothering someone when I ask. Apologizing for needing something. Apologizing for asking for my voice to be heard.

I’m so fucking tired of apologizing for being female.

We need to stop. It’s exhausting and it’s taking a toll on us. Our mental, emotional, and physical health. Our relationships. Our sex lives. How on earth are we expected to feel sexy, or wanted, or loved when we’re not good enough? When we’re not blonde enough, or too blonde. Whether we’re not skinny enough or too skinny. When we worry that we’re too feminist or not feminist enough. When we worry that we’re not worthy of being loved for some ridiculous reason or another. When we worry that there’s not a safe place for us, that our privacy is always being invaded. Whether it’s from businesses trying to control our sex lives, or people who are releasing our private information in the form of photos, contact information, or sexual behaviors.

When anything you do could lead to a negative reaction, it’s easy to feel unsafe, or concerned. When you’re afraid that you could be mocked or scorned for coming out about a sexual assault, you stay silent. When you are afraid that saying “no” to a partner might result in violence. When you simply say yes to having sex because it’s easier than saying no. When even staying silent nets you harassment and annoyance.

It’s absurd, it’s exhausting.

So here’s what I think we should do about it.

If there’s a space for women, and those who identify as women, keep that space sacred. If someone comes to you about sexual assault, help them through the proper channels, and don’t make them feel bad if they don’t want to report.

Start approaching people respectfully, be appreciative of rather than entitled to their time.

Don’t jump to rape, violence, or sexual threats when someone disagrees with you.

Basically, be understanding human beings. Channel your kindness, compassion, and empathy.

Follow Wheaton’s Law. Don’t be a dick.

Until Next Time.
-The Frisky Fairy

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