The Frisky Fairy Rants: So You’re A Woman Online, Part 2: Safety and photos


I will not tolerate abusive or harassing behavior on my site. My site, my rules. Don’t like it? GTFO.

This is to serve as both a trigger warning and a warning about NSFW language and images.

For the first part of this three part series, click here.

We hear a lot about misogyny on the internet. I can literally give you post after post about misogyny on the internet. I can show an entire community that believes that women should not be allowed to “assert superiority and control over men”. Sorry ladies, these lovely gentlemen want you to live in a world where masculinity is king (despite the fact that idealized concepts of masculinity hurt men too).

I won't name or link to this site at all. I refuse to give them the traffic.

I won’t name or link to this site at all. I refuse to give them the traffic.

I could rage for hours on the misogyny that women experience on the internet. On the lack of safety afforded to women online. I could talk about the breach of security in regards to snapchat (check the safety of your snaps here). I could talk about the breach of security in regards to the naked photos of celebrities. Instead, I’m going to talk about naked men on the internet.

First, let me talk real fast about naked photos of men on the internet. For the purposes of this conversation, I’m going to make it known that I am aware that men are more likely to be victims of revenge porn. Please, see the image below before trying to comment that I’m being unfair to men during this conversation.

This is how I feel about that.

This is how I feel about that.

Here’s why I give literally zero fucks about the fact that men are more likely to be victims of revenge porn:

1. Men typically experience less fallout (financially and emotionally) from negative photos on the internet than women. Do I feel sorry for the men who are harassed, shamed, fired from their jobs when their exes angrily post things online? Yes, absolutely. I’m not a monster. However the fallout from men having naked photos on the internet is much less than those for women.

2. Men are currently responsible for creating the laws to stop this sort of nonsense (men make up 81.5% of Congress), and they don’t. Why? They believe that banning the release of photos shared under the guise of privacy is detrimental to free speech. 

Yup. The dudes in power believe that the right to share someone’s personal, private, photos is protected under free speech. So no, I don’t give a fuck about men being victims of revenge porn when men are the ones who can make the laws to stop it. What I do care about is the subsequent harassment and negativity that is bestowed on men after those naked photos are released because in this culture men are ashamed of being sexual… oh, wait… no I’m wrong.

Men are not fired from jobs, or shamed and harassed as often as a woman after a naked photo is leaked. Sure, yes, you could argue that the men in higher positions of power are given shit, but your average Joe is not going to experience the same amount of negativity.

Back here in reality though, women are more likely to be harassed, lead into danger, have their reputations damaged, and experience family/friend trouble online. Not to mention how often women deal with unsolicited naked photos from men and are told essentially that ‘boys will be boys’.

Yet, when women speak up about this, they’re told not to send naked photos, to grow a backbone, to accept that they have no privacy. Hell, even apps that are invented for the ability to send things privately aren’t private (Thanks a lot, Snapchat). Instead of reaching out for backlash that people are sharing personal, private pieces of information, we’re hearing that women simply shouldn’t take photos of themselves. If they must, certainly not with their faces in the photos.

It’s a bullshit argument to be making. Men are statistically more likely to look at faces in porn, and want faces in naked photos. There are entire studies and conversations dedicated to the idea of the male gaze. So women put their faces in their photos. Women are human, and want to feel sexy and wanted. Hell, women want to send naked photos for a variety of intensely personal reasons, they shouldn’t be shamed for it.

On the topic of privacy, there’s also the conversation of safety. Women are again, more likely to be harassed. They’re more likely to receive violent threats and not be able to brush it off. How could they? When women are being harassed in public spaces, killed for rejecting dates, and then they go home only to be Doxxed out of their homes, or made to feel unsafe when asswads add their naked photos to the internet- and their friends harass them because of it.

Whenever someone is threatened with these sorts of things, it’s hard to imagine any sort of word that truly does it justice. Harassment, stalking, bullying, none of these words convey the sheer terror of being told that someone knows where you live and they’re coming to rape and kill you. They don’t convey the frustration and fury that comes from being forced out of your home, your safe place, because you’re afraid. Men often don’t understand why women can’t just let it go. Move on from the harassment.

Because there is no safe place.

There is no safe place. You’re harassed, threatened, afraid in public, on the internet, in your own home. All because you said something that a group of people disagreed with, or you reported your rape. You lose your job because you post a naked photo, and then have people shaming you because of it. You cannot win, because every time you show fear, or weakness the jackasses who are attacking you win. They’ve chipped a little bit of your kindness, your goodness away. They’ve made you a little more jaded, a little more guarded, a little less likely to be authentic.

I’m not scared of you assholes who are publicly sharing private photos online. I’m not afraid, I’m not ashamed, and you shouldn’t be either. I have nothing to hide, nothing to lose. What I am, is angry. I’m angry that someone thinks that it is at all acceptable to think that they can shame, scare, and threaten another human. And for what? A public display of feminism, a naked photo on the internet? It’s bullshit, and it needs to change.

For the third part of this three part series, click here.

Until Next Time.
-The Frisky Fairy

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