The Only Sure Way to Have the Sex You Want Revealed!

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I see a lot of posts promising that if you do this one trick, you’ll have the best sex of your life. If you try this one position you’ll have mind-blowing, passionate sex that will blow your mind.

There really is only one way to ensure that you are going to have the best sex of your life.

Are you ready for this life-changing tip? Are you sure?

You need to ask for it.

I know it sounds silly, and a bit ridiculous, but that really is the only way that you can get the sex that you want. Do you like having your hair pulled, your ass spanked, or do you like having your partner gently run their fingers over your skin until you get goosebumps? They don’t know that. You need to tell them.

People, we need to start taking responsibility for the sex that we are having. We need to stand up and ask for the sex that we want rather than settling into a pattern. This is not just a tip for new couples, or new partners but a tip for everyone. Your partners are not, and cannot be mind readers. If the sex is great, or good, or average, or fair, or awful, take some responsibility and speak up for what you want. If you try something new and it fails, you haven’t hurt anyone. You have only explored your own sexuality and boundaries.

We have all of these books, posts, magazines, all of them telling us how to have the best sex of our lives. But what we fail to realize is that we hold the key to that sex. We are the ones who make our sex lives the best. We are the ones who create these intricate fantasies to share with our partners, or to keep to ourselves. We are the ones who make the executive decisions on the kind of sex we are having. So dammit, stop settling for mediocre sex when you could be doing something great. All you have to do is ask. Communicate. Tell your partner what you want and how you want it.

The entire concept is so incredibly simple, but yet people have such a hard time with it. If you’re having trouble opening up to your partner about the kind of sex you’re having you can try a few things.

  • Use a Yes/No/Maybe list to help shape your ideas in regards to what sort of things you and your partner like and want to try. You can create your own by writing down every sex act you can think of with your partner and then separate. Each of you will indicate yes (I want to try), no (I don’t want to try), or maybe (I would consider trying), on each sex act and then come together and compare. You can even use this as a checklist of things to try in the future. If you don’t want to make your own, you can click here to use this basic one from Scarleteen!
  • Use texting, sexting, and messaging to get a general feel for how your partner feels on certain topics.
  • Create a “safe place” where you and your partner can talk about anything and bring anything up without judgment.
  • Use constructive criticism. “I love when you play with my nipples, but I think it would be very sexy if you would gently roll my nipples between your fingers instead of pinching them”. That is a much better statement than”Stop pinching my nipples it hurts”.

So, again I will say that the best sex tip you can use to spice up your love life, or have the best sex of your life is to remember that to have the best sex, you must ask for it.

Until Next Time!
-The Frisky Fairy

Rebecca
I am the Frisky Fairy, also known as Rebecca Hiles! I have been passionate about sex education for as long as I can remember. I have been working in the sex toy industry since 2009, and I hail from Pittsburgh originally. I am the Sexual Health and Wellness Education coordinator for Lotus Blooms in Alexandria, VA. I am certified as a sex educator through the Planned Parenthood of Massachusetts Sexuality Education Certification Series. I am a polyamorous cancer survivor, and I enjoy talking about my experiences. You can read some of my writing on xoJane.com. I started this blog because of my passion for sex and sex education. I work as a sex educator, teaching workshops on a variety of topics, but sometimes I really want to go in depth on a specific topic that I really enjoy. Thus, the Frisky Fairy blog was born! From reviews of my favorite toys, books, blogs, conferences, and more to discussions on my favorite sex and sex education topics, this will give you a look at what I base my workshops on! This is an education based blog after all and I hope that every time you leave, you feel like ’you've learned something new! I welcome feedback. If you enjoyed something, or disagree with something, please feel free to leave a comment! You can also email me at Contact@friskyfairy.com, or follow me on Twitter, Facebook, Google+, or my Tumblr! Please note that harassment, threats, intimidation, repeated annoying and unwanted contact or attention, and repeated personal attacks are not allowed. Please be polite!
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