The Frisky Fairy Discusses: Sex Negativity vs Sex Positivity


Please remember to be polite and respectful in the comments.

Today I want to talk about sex negativity, sex positivity and what it means for this blog. I would like to start by defining both of these terms:

Sex Positive (As explained by Wikipedia): “an attitude towards human sexuality that regards all consensual sexual activities as fundamentally healthy and pleasurable, and encourages sexual pleasure and experimentation. The sex-positive movement is a social and philosophical movement that advocates these attitudes. The sex-positive movement advocates sex education and safer sex as part of its campaign.”

Sex Negative (As explained by Jillian Horowitz): ” Being sex-negative means acknowledging that sex, and kink, have nothing intrinsically “good” or “positive” about them (in direct contrast to sex-positive feminists, many of whom argue that sex is an inherent good and that less charitable opinions toward sex are the result of a poisonous, prudish society).It means understanding that many women have neutral to negative experiences with sex, whether due to a lack of desire or sensitivity or past traumatic experiences or myriad other reasons, or may not wish to have sex at all, and that none of this makes them unhealthy, aberrant, or wrong. Thus, sex-negativity urges feminists to reject compulsory sexuality, which has historically translated to forced sexual compliance with men but has recently been extended to non-hetero sex and sexuality as well… It means, above all, engaging in the kind of sustained analysis of sex, kink and consent that we willingly grant to pretty much every other facet of our individual and collective existence.”

As you can see these are some wildly varying definitions, however I would like to dig deeper into them both.

Sex positivity has long been a default for many people. Many times we want to believe that just finding the right sexual solution would be the cure to a myriad of problems. This idea that sex as an act is positive, good, and healthy for everyone tends to exclude a rather large group of people who have had negative experiences with sex and sexuality, or simply neither feel positively or negatively towards it. Sex positive ideals are wonderful for many people, however those ideas are failing to reach and empathize with a population of people who do not want to have sex, or do not feel that sex is a positive. In addition, many who identify as sex positive fail to analyze their kinks and behaviors and understand how they could negatively affect others.

Sex negativity is not as much of a default for many people, however it also excludes a rather large group. The group of people who find that for them, sex and sexuality is an overwhelmingly positive experience. Those who analyze their sex, and kink, and consent and still come out feeling positively about their decisions. Sex-negative in itself is a provocative term that can leave people who identify as sex positive feeling as though (no matter how they inclined the are to analyze their sexual choices and decisions) that they are somehow wrong.

My role here is not to tell you to be sex-positive or sex-negative. Both sides have very compelling arguments as to why you should side with them. My role is simply to give you the information you need to make your own decisions. This leads me to want to call this blog sex neutral. I will recognize those who feel positively about sex and work to help them find the best solutions. I will recognize those who feel negatively about sex and will not try to use sex as a cure for any myriad of ailments. This space is a neutral space wherein those who identify the act of sex as positive, neutral, or negative should feel that they can have their voices heard. This blog will on occasion analyze the problems behind sex, kink, and consent, but overall this blog is designed for education in both the very good and very bad parts of sex, and because of that, I don’t consider it (or myself) to fall into either the sex positive or the sex negative groupings.

Until Next Time!
-The Frisky Fairy